Personal Power Success

Putting Yourself First – When Being Selfish is the Most Unselfish Thing You Can Do!

admin — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 15:31:11 +0000

If the title of this blog post may shock you a bit, you are probably just like millions of people who have been raised to always put everyone else first. Perhaps it was your religious upbringing, or just a general belief that you should always sacrifice your needs and desires for the sake of others. Children, spouses, parents, friends and even the family dog get your love and attention long before you ever give any to yourself. Right?

And, like many adults, especially women but even many men, you have bought into the myth that by putting everyone else’s needs above your own…you are being the best possible person you can be – after all, isn’t always putting others first the epitome of unselfishness? Well….not really….

Think about it for a minute….actually, think about your personal bank account instead and then this will probably make much more sense! Let’s say you have $50,000 in the bank today. Now, that may sound like a decent sum of money, but let’s say that you take out $5,000 a week every week for awhile. AND, you don’t make any deposits. In 10 short weeks (or about 2 and a half months) all that money will be gone. And if you try to take out any more, your bank will kindly let you know that you are overdrawn…and you don’t want that!

Now, back to you. If all you do is give and give and give to everyone else (akin to those $5000 a week withdrawals) and you don’t ever give to yourself (i.e., make deposits into your “account”), you will soon be overdrawn. Sadly, many women today live their life in a constant state of depletion, just like that empty bank account after 10 weeks. Do not give your personal power away.

The only way to have anything to give to others is to be sure to give to yourself. You can’t truly give from a state of depletion….or exhaustion. Taking time for yourself not only ensures that you will have more energy to give to the needs of those you love, but also will help you stay healthier so that you’ll still be around for them years from now. It may seem noble to use time that could be spent at the gym with your children instead, but if you live 5 or 10 years less as a result, is that really to their benefit?

The most unselfish thing you can do is to put yourself first so that you have the most to give others. Taking time for yourself to exercise, relax, get sufficient sleep and do things which truly nurture your own soul will keep you vibrant and healthy and energetic. In turn you will have far more to give everyone else than you could possible have by remaining constantly depleted.

Take time today to consider whether you are making yourself enough of a priority. Have the confidence to put yourself first. It is never too late to start! Become a little more selfish and you will find, over time, that doing so was actually one of the most unselfish things you’ve ever done!

How will you begin to put yourself first?

Finding Your Personal Power Means Learning to Forgive Yourself

admin — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 04:17:09 +0000

Why is that some of the most talented, generous, good-hearted people are also their own harshest critics?

Does this sound familiar to you? Are you often judging and criticizing yourself for things you could be doing better, times you fell short of your goals, times you felt disappointed or distracted or disengaged? Do you feel guilty about the times you lost your temper withyour child, or the times you lost your composure at work? Do you feel a constant voice inyour mind, reminding you of how you’ve fallen short of your potential?

It’s time to let go of this critical voice.

If you want to claim your personal power, if you want to be the best person you can be, you need to give yourself a break! It’s good to have high standards for yourself, it’s good to have goals, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves (and for our children, families, friends and careers) is to relax and be more gentle with ourselves.

Try to treat yourself with the voice of a caring mentor. Think about it: if you were mentoring a younger colleague, or talking with a younger family member about their life goals and dreams, would you use as harsh and unforgiving of a voice as the one in your own head? Of course not!

So be gentle and generous with yourself as well.

No one is perfect. We all have times where we fall down on the job or lose control of our emotions or disappoint others (or ourselves) in some way. But if you look at the whole picture of who you are and what your life is about, I think you’ll agree that the critical voice, the voice of harsh judgments and dire consequences, is not the voice that you should be listening to.

You can't feel powerful if you're constantly looking over your own shoulder and feeling fearful of self-criticism. Instead of being “your own worst critic,” can you be “your own biggest fan?” Instead of allowing the voice of self-criticism to rule your life, channel your thoughts in a more positive direction. Remind yourself of everything that you do well. Savor victories. Celebrate successes. Hold your loved ones close. And try to speak to yourself in the same voice that you would expect from a caring, supportive mentor.

Would you agree that you are often “your own worst critic?” How do you quiet the voice of self-criticism and find ways to encourage yourself instead?

Turn-Off the Crititcal Inner Voice: 3 Steps to Achieve Positive Self Talk

admin — Thu, 13 May 2010 15:37:39 +0000

Even though our minds are often likened to computers, there are a two buttons missing that would be really nice to have sometimes – “volume”(or “mute”) and “delete”. If you’re like many people, throughout any given day your brain is bombarded with a barrage of harshly critical self-talk which you would never dream of saying to anyone else. But you give that unruly hurtful voice free reign in your own head!

So, how do your turn it off? You know it’s destructive to your self-esteem, not to mention your confidence. And it definitely knows how to get right to your Achilles heel! Yet, no matter how hard you try it berates you relentlessly. Well, there is a way to use your personal power to silence it....

1. Recognize the voice. When your self-talk is particularly harsh or critical, ask yourself whose voice it really is? Is it your father, who, despite good intentions always seemed to find fault in everything you do? Perhaps he focused on that one B on your report card rather than praise you for all the A’s you received. Most likely, he did so because he wanted you to be the very best in order to have the most advantages in life. But to you his criticism felt hurtful, didn’t it?

2. Once you recognize the voice (and if you can’t quite pinpoint it, that’s okay), talk back to it out loud (or to the person it belongs to, as if that person was right there with you). Just a hint, it’s best to do this when no one else is around! Talk back to it calmly but firmly. As you talk to the voice, thank it for all the help it has been trying to provide. Tell it that, while you are grateful, you no longer need it. And then tell it to be on its way.

As silly as this part of the exercise sounds, it can be quite effective. You really don’t need to be a victim of your own hurtful self talk. You’d most likely never dream of talking to your best friend so harshly or to anyone else you respect and value. So it isn’t okay to talk to yourself that way either!

3. Whenever that derogatory voice comes around to serve you another helping of self-flagellation, quickly thank it and then begin talking to yourself just as you would your dearest friend. Be gentle, kind, understanding and supportive. Perhaps remind yourself that you are doing the best you can, or think about all your many wonderful traits and say them out loud. For example, “I am a wonderful person with a compassionate, loving heart”, or “I know I am doing the best I can in this difficult situation, and it’s okay that I make mistakes as I go – that’s how I learn.”

Much of your negative self-talk is habitual, so by doing these steps when you start getting down on yourself, you become more aware of the habit and can thus begin to replace it with positive self-talk. In time, you will find that you have a healthier self-esteem and greater confidence than you ever imagined – and much happier thoughts!

As a personal power coach, I have spent countless hours with helping people practice positive self talk. Just like the fish in the bowl, have the courage to live your dreams. I would love to hear your practices for positive self talk.

How to Use Your Personal Power to answer; Why Me?

admin — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 13:57:40 +0000

Ever asked yourself this question, “Why me?” or “Why do these things always happen to me?” I’m sure we all have at some point in our lives. I have discovered that the better question should be “Why not me?” The truth is that life is sometimes simply not fair. We do not always get the things that we have worked so hard for such as promotions, recognition, the house we have dreamed about or even the person that we desire. Yes, sometimes we get the short end of the proverbial “stick.” It is so easy to fall into a self pity disposition and become angry, disillusioned and discouraged. It is difficult to stay encouraged and optimistic when we feel as though we’re always defeated and counted out.

I encourage you to see your disappointments as an opportunity to try it again and/or do it differently. It is a chance to reinvent, reshape and regroup and come back stronger and better. It may also be a time to pause and listen to that inner voice that may be trying to tell you that this person, place or thing is not for you now, maybe never. Everything happens for a reason. Have you ever misplaced your keys just as you were about to leave the house? You search and search for them and all the while you’re becoming more annoyed and frantic because you’re going to be late to your destination. Then it happens! You see them sitting in the very place you left them. You grab them mumbling about your day not starting off right and how these things only happen to you. Have you ever stopped to consider that there was a reason that your keys temporarily were not accessible to you? Perhaps had you located your keys sooner and left the house, you may have been involved in a fender bender down the road.

That is only one possibility or scenario. The point is, instead of seeing the negative, use your personal power to turn it around and see what good has come from it. There’s always a lesson in delays and disappointments. Make them a victory and be inspired. Don’t miss the lesson!

Remember, there is good inside of everything that appears bad. Sometimes you have to look long and hard to find it. I would love to hear your lessons learned and success stories.

What's Your Red Carpet Dream

admin — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 23:28:30 +0000

In the movie Precious, , who played the character Precious, visualized herself on the red carpet, in the spotlight, and as a star. This weekend I saw Gabourey Sidibe literally on the red carpet at the Director’s Guild Awards. And today, she is an Oscar nominee for best actress. During a Good Morning America interview Sidibe was asked if she ever imagined being on the red carpet and being nominated for an Oscar. Her reply -- “I never imagined such a thing, this is weird.”

This caused me think about red carpet moments. Are you visualizing your wildest red carpet moment? Something so wild that people may think you are crazy when you speak it. For years, I told people that I was going to appear on. They would laugh at me and tell me it was impossible. “You just keep dreaming, DeLores,” is what they told me. Well who is laughing now? I made it happen for me.

How many opportunities do we miss simply because we did not ask for what we wanted? Maya Angelou says in one of her famous quotes, “Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it.”

When I was on the red carpet with all those incredible actors and directors: Lee Daniels, James Cameron; Director of Avatar and Kathryn Bigelow; Director of The Footlocker, I wondered if they had red carpet dreams. I wondered if they asked for what they wanted.

What is your red carpet dream?

Why Failing is a Good Thing!

admin — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 21:31:36 +0000

How do you define failure? In fact, as you contemplate the word itself, what images come to mind when you think about failure? Does it seem that failure has been part of your life far more often than you care to imagine? Do you find yourself avoiding it at all costs?

Failure is a dreaded word for many people. For some, it’s not even an option. And trust me, that is a very difficult way to go through life!

As humans, we all fail at times – it’s inevitable. In fact, most of us have failed a LOT! Consider how often we failed as a toddler when we were first learning how to walk? On any given day we tried to stand up numerous times only to fall down within a few short seconds. Undeterred, we’d grab onto the nearest piece of furniture with our tiny little hands and pull ourselves up again. And just as we were so excited to be finally standing upright, we’d tumble to the floor yet again!

Was each fall a failure? Well, by most people’s definition of the word, absolutely! We failed over and over and over…too many times to count (and fortunately we didn’t know how to count yet so we weren’t able to track all our failures – which was probably why we finally succeeded!).

Fast forward about 6 to 8 years when we were first learning how to ride a bike. Guess what? Lots more failure! Or was it….?

We had to fall down a few times in order to learn how to adjust our balance so we could stay on the bike longer the next time. Each fall was a tremendous learning opportunity. We didn’t give up then, did we?

Yet now as adults we all too often shy away from the risk of failure…or we avoid the possibility altogether. We either give up too easily after one or two “failures” or, even worse, we don’t try at all because we might crash and burn. Sadly, we end up missing out on so much success in life because we stopped seeing failure as a as one of the best things that can happen to us.

Some of the most successful people in the world experienced a tremendous amount of failure prior to their success. Or perhaps a better way to look at it…they allowed themselves to experience a huge number of learning opportunities in order to use their personal power and finally succeed.

When you redefine failure as an opportunity to learn or improve or find a different way, you become unstoppable. You no longer fear it…rather you begin to embrace it because with each “failure” you become that much closer to success. If the fear of failure has been holding you back, it’s time to ditch your old definition of the word and give it a new one. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish when you do! Have you had any failures the inevitably were successes?

Don’t Give a Shift about New Year’s Resolutions: Shift to Life Long Resolutions of Significance

admin — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 17:51:53 +0000

Every January 1^st, millions of people make New Year’s resolutions. This is the year they are finally going to stop smoking, lose that unwanted weight, start exercising regularly, run a marathon, or find a new career…. The list is endless, the resolve is genuine, but the results….? Well, very few people actually follow through.

By January 15^th, a significant percentage has already forgotten their resolutions, and another large percentage has tried working towards their goal only to quickly give up. After all, habits are hard to break and new ones are hard to develop. We are creatures of habit, and even though we say we want to change, most of us don’t follow through with our resolve.

Part of the problem with New Year’s resolutions is that they tend to be a set up for failure. Too many people think that once they slip and go off the diet, or sneak a cigarette, or miss a day (or two or three) at the gym, then they’ve blown it for the entire year so they might as well stop. The slate is no longer clean, and it won’t be for another 350 days (give or take a few) …or so the rationale goes.

Rather than getting into this vicious circle, it is better to determine what your long term goals are and create a plan that has nothing to do with a major event (such as New Year’s, a birthday, or even the first of the month). Instead, decide to start today and do something (even if it is very small) every day to move your closer to your goal. Move yourself closer to a life of significance 360; a life that matters to you.

For example, rather than trying to quit smoking cold turkey (which very few people are able to do successfully) make a decision to slowly taper the number of cigarettes you smoke each day. Focus on each small success rather than any “failures”. New Year’s resolutions tend to put us in an “all or nothing” mindset, and that doesn’t leave any room for a slip, which is inevitable for most of us.

Since success breeds success, if you focus on each small success (e.g., each cigarette you chose not to have, or each dessert you bypassed, or each time you exercised for at least 20 minutes) you begin building momentum. Rather than being your own worst enemy you become your greatest cheerleader.

Keep track of the successes where you can see them every day. And remember, NO success is too small to acknowledge. Before you know it, all those successes will add up and you will have succeeded at achieving your goals of life-long resolutions regardless of whether you start on January 1^st of April 13^th!

Have You Found Your True Life Purpose ?

admin — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 14:01:35 +0000

From the time you were a little girl or boy you were probably given the message that you are supposed to get a good job (or go to college and then get a good job in your chosen field), get married, and raise a family once you “grow up”. Whether you liked it or not, your life was essentially planned out for you by your parents, other well-meaning adults and society in general.

Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with either of those paths in life. But if you are like many adults, especially those who followed a very traditional path in life, you may be wondering if that is all there is. In fact, after a few years (or decades) in a “good job” or career, or perhaps as a homemaker, you may feel that you’re not really living your true purpose in life. That something is missing deep down – a void or longing that is not being filled. Basically, that gnawing feeling that there is something more…and you weren’t invited to the party.

So how do you find your true purpose in life? Well, for starters, you must realize that absolutely no one else on the planet can tell you what your purpose is. It must come from deep within you. That being said, others may have already given you clues. For example, everyone has certain talents and abilities which are always in line with one’s true purpose. Now this doesn’t mean that just because you have a talent for music your life purpose is to be a musician. Usually, it goes a bit deeper than that.

Your true purpose in life isn’t necessarily something specific. It may be something more general which allows you to choose the direction which feels most right to you. Perhaps you are an eloquent communicator. Your true purpose could be that of being a motivational speaker, a writer, a politician or the CEO of a company.

Your true purpose will always be something which brings you a deep, profound sense of joy. You will always bring the most enthusiasm and dedication to something which gives you joy. If you are hesitant, reluctant, or feel an obligation, you are not aligned with your true purpose.

One of the best ways to find your true purpose is to spend some time journaling. You don’t have to write well, but putting your thoughts on paper can be very enlightening as well as empowering. Allow yourself to start writing freely….just let the words flow. And as you write, keep in mind these two questions:

What are my greatest talents and gifts?
What truly makes my heart sing; i.e., what gives me the greatest joy?

As you explore the answers to these two questions, you are well on your way to finding your true life purpose. Don’t rush the answer…it will come to your when you’re ready!

I have given many keynote speeches on how to live your true life purpose. Do you think a person can really live their true life purpose? What's yours?

Promise vs. Resolution at this Significant Time of Year

admin — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 02:18:49 +0000

For most of us, this is a significant time of year. It is a time when we celebrate the birth of Christ. We gather with our families and friends and exchange love and gifts. It is also a time when it is very easy to be overwhelmed and stressed out by all of the festivities that this season brings. I would like to encourage us all to take some time out and really enjoy this blessed season. Let us reflect on the true meaning and significance of Christmas and our hopes and dreams for the New Year.

Many of us at some point make resolutions for the upcoming year. Some of us want to lose weight, others may want to stop bad habits or change jobs. Many times, the word “resolution” can be like the word “diet”, it is restrictive and controlling. It can sometimes make us want to do just the opposite. Instead, may I encourage you to make a “promise” to yourself instead? Promise that the New Year will find you seeking more peace in your life, striving to do whatever it takes to improve your health, circumstances and emotional well being.

Let this New Year really be a new beginning for you. Invite change and healing into your life. Do not settle for a life of mediocrity but insist upon and pursue a life of substance and significance. Promise yourself that you will not take your eyes off of your goals no matter what obstacles come your way. Reassure yourself that obstacles and trials only come to build us up and strengthen us. The journey may take a while so it is imperative that you be strong in mind and body. How can a swimmer build up lung capacity to swim stronger and further if he is not made to push harder and not give up? How can a track runner get to the finish line if she does not dig deep inside of her and push ahead of the pack? Obstacles can slow us down but use that time to regroup and take a look around. Do not use it as an excuse to give up. Harriet Beecher Stowe said it best when she said, "Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

Remember that it is easy to claim faith when all is well. However, it is only when trials come that our faith is really tested. Pass the test. Seek the light in the darkness, it’s there. Find the significance in your life and build on it.

Wishing everyone a prosperous, healthy and joyous New Year!

DeLores Pressley

http://www.delorespressley.com

Has Oprah Put Too Much Weight on Herself?

admin — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 05:07:51 +0000

Has the world lost sight of the human factor when it comes to celebrities? From political figures and athletes to beauty queens and Oprah, we put celebrities high up on the pedestal thinking they should no longer have problems because they have lots of money and live elaborate lifestyles. Yet we thrive on every action they take and every word they say waiting to pounce on an opportunity to critique. Newsflash—public figures are still human beings! The fact that such a public figure as Oprah has to proclaim her embarrassment for gaining weight is a perfect example. Granted, Oprah is the one who put her weight issues out before the public many years ago. But that was under the premise it was good for her as well as good for her loyal followers to see what they could accomplish—subconsciously supportive and accountable to each other. In hindsight, had Oprah known she would develop an out-of-balance thyroid coupled with fame, fortune, stress, and everyday life she may have thought twice about inviting that attention. “Oprah, you were born successful and your weight in no way reflects your self-worth,” states DeLores Pressley, keynote speaker on personal power and founder of BornSuccessful.com. “There’s no shame in being a plus-size woman.” And Pressley would know, not only is she a plus-size woman herself but also founder and former producer of the Plus USA Pageant. Pressley appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show back in 2004 when Oprah was near her lowest reported weight. Pressley finds it admirable that Oprah is dealing with her personal struggle, but adds that maybe she’s putting too much weight on herself by continually feeding the media frenzy and feeling she’s not walking the walk to her fans. On the flip side, maybe some fans can feel better knowing they didn’t fail Oprah on their own weight loss. If Oprah had not brought attention to her weight in the first place, would it really be such a big issue today? Likely not. Why then should we expect so much more from Oprah than we would our own friends or family struggling with weight loss? It’s not Oprah’s weight that makes her the most powerful woman in the entertainment industry—it’s who she is inside. Pressley’s advice to Oprah, “Take the pressure off the scale and focus on the healthy living. And by all means, remember that you’re still human.” DeLores Pressley, Personal Power Expert, is one of the most respected and sought-after experts on success, confidence and personal power. She is an international keynote speaker, author, consultant and the Founder of the Born Successful Institute and host of “The BornSuccessful Show” and inspirational television talk show on Warner Cable TV 11. Her story has been touted in Glamour, Washington Post, Black Enterprise, First for Women, Essence, New York Daily News, Ebony and Marie Claire. She is a frequent media guest and has been interviewed on every major network: (ABC, NBC, CBS and FOX) including America’s top rated shows; OPRAH and Entertainment Tonight. DeLores may be contacted at 330.649.9809 or visit her website at www.bornsuccessful.com.